Distracted Driving
Here is a dangerous combination that concerns me.
Housewife + SUV + cell-phone.
I’m worried that, one evening, I may leave a comedy show to drive home and I’ll get a flat-tire on the highway.
There I’ll be, changing the flat in the breakdown lane of the freeway, while cars are whizzing dangerously close by me at high speeds…
WHOOSH!… WHOOSH!… WHOOSH!
When along comes a housewife in one of those gigantic Ford Brontosaurus SUV’s, yapping on her cell-phone…
“Hi Betty, this is Brenda…
“Oh good, good… And you?…
“Me? I’m OK, thanks… Huh?… What am I doing?… Oh nothing, I’m just talking with you on my cell phone… drinking a Dunkin’ Donuts latte and eating a blueberry muffin… as I’m putting-on lipstick in the rear-view mirror… while I’m playing with the radio… and trying to follow the GPS instructions as I’m looking for an exit… and turning around to yell at my kids in the backseat… and taking my eyes off the road to lean-over and try to find a piece of gum somewhere in my big, cluttered pocketbook… at the same time I’m watching a DVD movie playing on my dashboard…
“What?… Oh ya, and I’m also passing someone on the right and driving down the highway going 75 miles an hour in the slow-lane, too… Ha ha, I was so busy doing other stuff, I almost forgot all about that!
“Anyway, there’s a big sale over at Macy’s this weekend and I was wondering…”
THUMP!
“Oh my, Betty, what was that noise?… I just heard something and felt a bump!”
(pauses for a moment to listen)
“OK, I’m back. It was probably nothing… maybe a stupid squirrel or something… “Anyway, as I was saying…
“Oh, wait a second, Betty, I’m getting another call… I don’t know who this is, so I better get it… I’m putting you on hold, Betty… Hold on…
“Hello, this is Brenda speaking, can I help you?”
“Yes, you can help me, Brenda. You don’t know me but, if you’d be so kind to put your phone down for a moment and look out your window, you’ll notice that YOU’RE DRAGGING MY ASS DOWN THE FUCKIN’ HIGHWAY!… PAY ATTENTION!!!!”