Talking GPS
I had an old girlfriend with an ex-husband who was a real pain in the ass and made our lives difficult on a regular basis.
There were numerous times when he’d be four or five hours late to pick up his son, or he wouldn’t show up at all, and it would ruin all our plans for the day.
There were also quite a few occasions when her ex would claim, for one lame reason or another, that he couldn’t drop his son off, so I would have to go and pick the kid up at his house, which was at least a 45-50 minute drive each way and a bitch to get to.
One Sunday afternoon I was relaxed and watching a football game at my girlfriend’s home when, right in the middle of the game, she got a call from the ex-husband.
I knew it was him because I could hear her getting angry and arguing on the phone until she eventually slammed the phone down and muttered a few choice words under her breath.
I said, “Now what?”
She answered, “I’m sorry, Paul, but I need you to pick up my son at my ex’s house.”
I was furious. “You gotta be shitting me! Not again… He’s supposed to drop him off. What’s his excuse this time?”
She said, “He says his car broke down and it won’t start.”
I barked, “That’s bullshit!… That son of a bitch did it to me again. I really wanted to watch this football game!”… but, reluctantly, I put on my coat and grabbed my keys.
My girlfriend knew I was pissed-off and said, “I feel really bad about this, Paul… but I’ll come with you and keep you company for the ride.”
When we got into my car, my girlfriend said, “I’ll give you the directions to my ex’s house.”
I started the car and said, “I don’t need directions to his place. I’ve had to cover his ass so many times I programmed your ex’s address into my GPS.”
So we followed the GPS instructions as we headed to her ex-husband’s home…
The robotic voice on the navigator said, “Take Route 62 west to Route 93 North.”
Later the voice instructed me, “In one mile take exit 22B.”
A little later we were directed to “Bear left at such-and-such street” followed by a command to “Take a right at so-and-so street and continue 7/10ths of a mile.”
Then, as we got close to our destination, the GPS announced…
“Arriving at Asshole’s House.”
I was so embarrassed!
“Ooops, I am soooo sorry… I totally forgot that I did that!”
She laughed and said, “That’s OK… I agree.”